remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
