I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
