does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
