we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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