where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
