You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
