just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
