"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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