Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
