that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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