Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
