he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
