fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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