The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
