Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I AM VODKA MAN
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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