I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
