new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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