Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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