He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
