i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
