I love having hate sex.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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