these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
