The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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