It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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