How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
