I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
