can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
