your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Randomize
