i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize