Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I hate all girls vehemently.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
