i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
