Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize