Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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