I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
