My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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