I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
