yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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