I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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