we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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