vagina is talking i cant
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
