i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
