He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
