the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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