wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
