Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
