I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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