I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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