i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
