i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize