i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
