I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Bring me that man meat
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
