So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
