3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
