I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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