he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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