okay pat passed out under dana's car
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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