dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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