Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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