but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
