watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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