yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
