Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize