So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
