I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize